Thursday, July 29, 2010

Wondering

Hello, Readers. It's been a little while, again. Much going on, but at the same time, little...

My vegetable garden has not been fairing too well-too much sun and too many critters eating them-insects and mammals.

Our oldest daughter was set to get her driving temps last week. We went, she took the computarized test, she passed and onto the paperwork. We took everything in, but her birth certificate didn't specifically list her gender so it was unacceptable. We went back early this week with the only other copy we had and it didn't have the state's health department seal, so we have to go through a process to get a new copy mailed to us and take it back... She was sad. She was so looking forward to driving.

Our dog, the weimaraner, has become very skinny-losing a lot of weight. We took him to a vet who did blood tests, and the tests came back good-especially for a 10 year old big dog. Still, we wondered why the lack of interest in food and great loss of weight-he'd lost 14 pounds! We took him back on Tuesday and they sedated him to check his teeth, did some scans and swabs. We should know more tomorrow or Monday as to the results of those. It was rather strange around here without him on Tuesday. He came home groggy and stumbling around-very clingy after his visit. I dropped him off at 7am and he wasn't seen to until 2 or so-so he was hungry since he hadn't eaten since 7pm the night before, stuck in a kennel which he doesn't like and away from his family. He was a sad dog. He sure was happy to see us when we arrived to get him, though.

My husband hasn't been running much since my last post. He had fallen off a jet ski and bruised a rib, so that's taken a bit of the wind out of the sails. I'm still working on training for the half marathon, either way. Just will work out better for me, I think. I did 7 miles last weekend, again.

I have attempted digital scrapbooking since I posted last. I have a lot of work to do before I will be happy with a layout. Strange, how I was feeling good about paper and hands-on and now I feel new and uncertain. I am unsure of what to write and what to document first.

That isn't the only are of my life where I am uncertain. Still no word on a job for the fall and the pool is nearly dry of opportunities. Hopefully we'll see it pick up next week. I have heard jobs are scarce, it's not just me, but it's hard not to let it eat away at your self confidence. Someone important in my life says I need to find a new passion, something other than teaching since it's not looking good. I am wondering about this. Wouldn't it be hard just to pick up a new passion and set aside the old? I have heard from so many that I'm great at what I do-teaching, but that's in a substitute setting. Maybe it's just people being nice, saying what I want to hear... the little voice whispers these things to me. It's hard not to let it eat away at the faith that says God has a plan, He will guide me... where am I going? I feel nowhere... I'm trying to have hope. So many people have advice and opinions-just get a long term and that foot-in-the-door will get you there (I've had 4-5 long-term jobs, now...), just get into another district and that will help (done that, although my husband thinks not enough... but then what-how do I choose where to go? long-terms or daily jobs... one doesn't know.) It's difficult. The waiting and the worrying that I'm not good enough, that I'm stuck. Also, the not knowing what to do-get in a district where they know and like me well? Keep moving around so many know me and I will have opportunities? Just the politics and knowing the right people? Sigh...

I have felt tired, run down, lazy lately. It's affected my running and who I am, I think. I am beginning to wonder if it's this lack of confidence from the job... or the really hot weather? Am I just wilted? :) I have read several blogs, lately that have been balm to my soul-pictures and smiles in the words, too. :) This isn't the type of post I like to write-after all the title of the blog is positively mom-but sometimes it's just good to write about the things that are weighing on you. Although when I hit "publish post" I am filled with the sense of "you don't have it so bad! why are you posting that! many people have it much worse!"

Take care, blog readers. Things will perk up soon! :)

1 comment:

Molly said...

I think it must be summer's heat. We're all wilting. I'm sure people are right when they say you're great at what you do! What do they have to gain by lying? Good luck, and don't worry so much! My mum used to say "God never closed a door without opening a window somewhere....."